Renew and Refresh

Disappointment. Disillusionment. Discouragement.

There weren't many other words to describe the atmosphere in the room that day. As a tiny church, we'd fought hard--on our knees, before the throne of heaven, pleading for a miracle.

And yet, here we were. Trying to figure out where we had gone wrong. Had we missed something these past 9 months?

We'd prayed. Fasted. Believed. Stood on the truths of God's word ... And yet, the answer was not what we expected.

And this was the end of things as I knew them.

Until this time, I could spend hours seeking the presence of God, praying, reading, writing down Scriptures that gripped my attention. I often felt as though I could literally touch Jesus' garments. I was that close.

Time passed and I sat in a prayer meeting. The pastor's wife asked me to pray for someone's healing. And I froze. I couldn't choke out a sound, let alone an actual prayer. What if God didn't listen to me. I'd gotten it all wrong before. I couldn't be a disappointment to the family, expecting a miracle. This was life and death.

So I backed off. Stepped out of my prayer closet and kept to safe and certain prayers. Prayers like, "Thank you Lord, for your provision." "God we know you are good, always." "I need You, Lord. You alone." But I never ventured out, even though I once knew the beauty of time spent basking in His presence.

Something began to happen at that time. It was not instantaneous or noticeable in the beginning. Much like God telling Adam and Eve they would die if they ate the forbidden fruit, and then they lived more than 900 years.  It was a slow, insidious decay of a relationship that was once so rich and full. And like Sampson, I woke one day, thinking I would go about my day as I always did, not realizing I wasn't walking in the power and strength of my Lord any longer. I was still His. However, our relationship was distant.

What happened?

One day, I cared for a patient who had no desire to get out of bed. She told me she would get up once she got home, but until then, she just wanted to rest. She would thank me for the encouragement offered with education attached, saying that the longer she lay in bed, the weaker she would become. But her resolve was set. She would get up at home. This was her time to be pampered and to rest.

Others made similar attempts to get her up. Physical therapy came by only to be turned away. In her mind, it was settled. This was time for rest.

Sadly, her stay was prolonged because her muscles weakened and her health declined.

In the medical world, it is well-known that staying in bed only weakens the body rather than strengthens it. We were created to move. Be active.

And when we don't, our bodies begin to fail us. 

Similarly, when we neglect ourselves spiritually, we become weakened. 

I will never forget the day the man of God came and spoke a word to the fellowship I belonged to. "Where's your faith resting?" He'd asked. "Is it in the healing? God's word? The miracles? The promises of God? Where's your faith?" He continued, "If your faith is on the wrong thing, you will fall."

Those words echoed in my heart for years after the intimacy of prayer ended. Where had I placed my faith?

My faith was in the promise that God would do anything I asked, and I wanted Him to raise up the man of God, my pastor, whom I loved like a father. I wanted Him to give back to the family her husband, their dad, and their grandfather. I knew that my words were powerful and that Jesus promised our Father in heaven would do anything if I asked in Jesus' name.

But I'd forgotten a couple things.

Jesus laid out a condition. Our requests need to align with God's will. As He prayed in the garden, Jesus' prayer ended with "Nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done" (Luke 22: 42).

If Jesus could surrender to the will of the Father, what makes me think I can circumvent His will?

Over the course of time, I have sought the Lord, repented, asked for a renewal of passion and love for Him, for prayer, and for His word. He has been faithful and has given opportunity to dig deep into the words He inspired.

I am thankful He never gives up on us. He knows our hearts and knows when we are in pain and need healing. He also knows whether we have decided to rebel and walk away from His tender care.

So we pray:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 

Cast me not away from Your presence, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. 

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 

(Psalm 51: 10-12). 

And one day, we will open our eyes and know He has answered, and we can rejoice in our renewed faith in the only One that matters.

We have been created for Him by Him, for His glory (Colossians 1:16). We are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).

As a good Father, He will always care for our well-being. Even if we believe our world is shattering.  He is the one we should place all our hope and trust in. Everything else is the benefit of our hope in an awesome Creator God who has a wonderful plan for all. Because, "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose. For those He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers" (Romans 8:28-29).

💝 WE can trust Him. Even--ESPECIALLY--when we don't understand. 💝