Vindicated

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  ~Jeremiah 29:11~

Google Images

I couldn't take it any longer.

Decisions were made, and I struggled, wanting to live according to God's word but feeling trapped.  Feelings of being judged for every choice made in my home were inescapable. Eventually, the sensation of a noose tightening around my neck became unbearable and I could only choke out the words, "Jesus, please ..."

During this time, I was also tunneling through my Bible, digging for gold. I needed a lifeline. And I knew this was where all truth could be found. People would tease as I copied Scripture into a journal, "You don't have to rewrite the Bible, it's all been done." But it was the only way the words would stick to my bones, it was something tangible I could do in the moment to hold to my peace. It kept me from blaming others for the distress I felt. 

I would come across words that would penetrate my crashing world with light and hope. These are the nuggets I mined for.

Any time I tried to share what was going on in my heart, well-intentioned, godly people, would stop me and say, "Come back to the Lord," as though they couldn't hear the words, "He's my only hope right now ... it's as though I am at the bottom of the ocean and He is my oxygen."

So I quit sharing and turned fully into my closet where I could at least breathe.

Have you been there? 

One decision, or a series of them, whether to show respect and deference to one we love--a parent, spouse, teacher, boss, or ... (fill in your blank) and the world we knew, our plans and hopes fade into the distance as we head down a different path.

The new path wasn't what I wanted or would've ever chosen. But there I was. Frustrated. Disillusioned. Isolated. Condemned, because I allowed myself to be led in a direction opposing all that I believed and hoped for.

Then I opened my Bible and realized something.

Joseph had dreams. He told his family. One day they would bow before him. A king?

I don't think he ever counted on being thrown into a pit, sold to Ishmaelites--by his brothers!--sold again into slavery in Egypt, accused of rape, thrown into prison, forgotten ... and then one day, be placed in royal robes and named second only to Pharoah in all the land of Egypt. 

But he was.

Google Images

I doubt Sarah wanted to be sent to the king's palace under cover to protect the life of her husband. Not once. TWICE. Abraham feared for his life and told her to tell everyone she was his sister and not his wife--to protect himself. She obeyed. The second time this happened, the King Abimelech was visited in a dream by the LORD who told him, "Behold, you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a man's wife" (Genesis 20:3).

Abimelech's response? "Lord, will you kill an innocent people? Did he not himself say to me, 'She is my sister?' and she herself say to me, 'He is my brother.' In the integrity of my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this" (Genesis 20:4 - 5).

The LORD affirmed that Abimelech acted in good faith, and lets him know that it was HE who kept Abimelech from defiling Sarah. Abimelech then confronted Abraham to determine why he would lie. After recompense was made and Sarah returned to Abraham, Abimelech did something I loved and can see the LORD doing for his beloved.

"To Sarah he said, 'Behold, I have given your brother a thousand pieces of silver. It is a sign of your innocence in the eyes of all who are with you, and before everyone you are vindicated" (Genesis 20:16).

The first time I read those words, I cried out to the LORD, "Would you do for me as you did for her?"

Whether our situations are borne of our choices or someone else's, we can rejoice in the hope that one day we will say as Joseph did to his brothers, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today" (Genesis 50:20).

We don't have to accept the burden of condemnation when in the shelter of God's grace. As Paul says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). This promise doesn't mean all things are good. But as Joseph said, God will work good out of all things.

So, count it all joy, my friends. "for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (James 1:2 - 3). 

Rest in His gracious arms. Trust His plans for you. The road may be littered with potholes and ruts, but the end is unimaginably beautiful. 

Until next time 💜 Karlene J 💜