It's Time to Dream Again

 Nothing was as I'd hoped. Or dreamed. My plans had not only gone sideways, they had jumped ship and swam to a forbidden shore far off in the distance. There was no redemption in sight.

I had choices to make, and I was making the wrong ones. And each course correction lead me down a darker, more disappointing path. It was worse than a dream sequence in one of the children's films that were on a continuous loop in my home.

To make it an even brighter day, I was a follower of Christ, believing that the way my family appeared in the public eye was a direct reflection on the quality of parent and spouse that I was. And I was a failure.

My home was always in disarray. I couldn't measure up as a mom when I saw the amazing things my acquaintances did with their children. My marriage left a lot to imagination.

I was a broken vessel and all my ugly seeped through the cracks, and (in my mind) spread poisonous vapors everywhere I went. (Imagine Pig Pen in Charlie Brown.)

It became easy to believe people would rather I keep a safe distance. So arms length often was too close. But I also longed for close connection, which I was forfeiting as I sought to protect everyone from my uncleanness while also protecting my already shattered heart. I saw others through a house of mirrors type lens. The problem was, your mirror was shaping you into perfection while mine shaped me into anything but ...

This began to seep into my relationship with Christ, and I cried out to Him for help. It was a weak, whimper soaked in tears. But to Him, it was as though I'd sounded the air raid sirens. And He spoke to my heart:

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit," (Psalm 34:18 ESV).

As time moved forward, I would lay my complaints at His feet, letting Him know how disappointed I was. At one point, I was reminded of another conversation I'd had with Him.

It was 2008 and my church had a guest speaker who was talking of how he was blessed because growing up he loved to watch Tarzan (TV show) and dreamed that one day he would be Tarzan. And at the time of his speaking, he and his wife were missionaries in the Amazon Rain Forest. He was living out his dream, he said. I'd heard similar stories from other people. And I began to complain about why am I not experiencing this? Why do YOU GOD love them more than me? What's wrong with me? And one day, I heard the gentle reply, "When will you quit complaining and begin doing something?"

What I didn't realize until that moment was that in our complaint, we block what God is doing. We in effect walk in disbelief and stomp around like rebellious little children not getting our own way. We are telling God, "I know what is good for me. Why don't you?"

I stopped and asked for a way to begin. I wanted mentors and a way to grow and hone my skill as a writer. Ready to pay any price, I searched for a course in writing. One site linked me to another where I found mentors, friends--family. And I began my journey. And my passion for the power of words grew.

As I share this, I realize that you may be thinking"What does this have to do with my situation?"

I've learned over the years that whenever the Lord is teaching me something, it is never for me alone. Scripture tells us that there is nothing I experience that is uncommon to mankind (1 Corinthians 10: 13 paraphrased).

What is it that you have shelved, thinking it's too late?

Have you ever wished you could go "back" and have a do-over?

Just as Job's losses were restored double, God will restore our losses, whether it's time, relationships, confidence ... and yes, even monetary provision such as home and finances.

Abraham and Sarah waited over 25 years to realize the dream of parenting a child--Isaac. This came in a time when it was impossible in man's perspective. They were beyond the age of childbearing. But with God ALL THINGS are possible.

So let's not tie God's hands. Let's surrender our hopes and dreams to His capable and perfect will. Tell Him you're still hoping for that dream to see the light of day.

And take Him at His word. 

Until next time ... 💜 Karlene J