Renew and Refresh

Disappointment. Disillusionment. Discouragement.

There weren't many other words to describe the atmosphere in the room that day. As a tiny church, we'd fought hard--on our knees, before the throne of heaven, pleading for a miracle.

And yet, here we were. Trying to figure out where we had gone wrong. Had we missed something these past 9 months?

We'd prayed. Fasted. Believed. Stood on the truths of God's word ... And yet, the answer was not what we expected.

And this was the end of things as I knew them.

Until this time, I could spend hours seeking the presence of God, praying, reading, writing down Scriptures that gripped my attention. I often felt as though I could literally touch Jesus' garments. I was that close.

Time passed and I sat in a prayer meeting. The pastor's wife asked me to pray for someone's healing. And I froze. I couldn't choke out a sound, let alone an actual prayer. What if God didn't listen to me. I'd gotten it all wrong before. I couldn't be a disappointment to the family, expecting a miracle. This was life and death.

So I backed off. Stepped out of my prayer closet and kept to safe and certain prayers. Prayers like, "Thank you Lord, for your provision." "God we know you are good, always." "I need You, Lord. You alone." But I never ventured out, even though I once knew the beauty of time spent basking in His presence.

Something began to happen at that time. It was not instantaneous or noticeable in the beginning. Much like God telling Adam and Eve they would die if they ate the forbidden fruit, and then they lived more than 900 years.  It was a slow, insidious decay of a relationship that was once so rich and full. And like Sampson, I woke one day, thinking I would go about my day as I always did, not realizing I wasn't walking in the power and strength of my Lord any longer. I was still His. However, our relationship was distant.

What happened?

One day, I cared for a patient who had no desire to get out of bed. She told me she would get up once she got home, but until then, she just wanted to rest. She would thank me for the encouragement offered with education attached, saying that the longer she lay in bed, the weaker she would become. But her resolve was set. She would get up at home. This was her time to be pampered and to rest.

Others made similar attempts to get her up. Physical therapy came by only to be turned away. In her mind, it was settled. This was time for rest.

Sadly, her stay was prolonged because her muscles weakened and her health declined.

In the medical world, it is well-known that staying in bed only weakens the body rather than strengthens it. We were created to move. Be active.

And when we don't, our bodies begin to fail us. 

Similarly, when we neglect ourselves spiritually, we become weakened. 

I will never forget the day the man of God came and spoke a word to the fellowship I belonged to. "Where's your faith resting?" He'd asked. "Is it in the healing? God's word? The miracles? The promises of God? Where's your faith?" He continued, "If your faith is on the wrong thing, you will fall."

Those words echoed in my heart for years after the intimacy of prayer ended. Where had I placed my faith?

My faith was in the promise that God would do anything I asked, and I wanted Him to raise up the man of God, my pastor, whom I loved like a father. I wanted Him to give back to the family her husband, their dad, and their grandfather. I knew that my words were powerful and that Jesus promised our Father in heaven would do anything if I asked in Jesus' name.

But I'd forgotten a couple things.

Jesus laid out a condition. Our requests need to align with God's will. As He prayed in the garden, Jesus' prayer ended with "Nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done" (Luke 22: 42).

If Jesus could surrender to the will of the Father, what makes me think I can circumvent His will?

Over the course of time, I have sought the Lord, repented, asked for a renewal of passion and love for Him, for prayer, and for His word. He has been faithful and has given opportunity to dig deep into the words He inspired.

I am thankful He never gives up on us. He knows our hearts and knows when we are in pain and need healing. He also knows whether we have decided to rebel and walk away from His tender care.

So we pray:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 

Cast me not away from Your presence, and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. 

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 

(Psalm 51: 10-12). 

And one day, we will open our eyes and know He has answered, and we can rejoice in our renewed faith in the only One that matters.

We have been created for Him by Him, for His glory (Colossians 1:16). We are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10).

As a good Father, He will always care for our well-being. Even if we believe our world is shattering.  He is the one we should place all our hope and trust in. Everything else is the benefit of our hope in an awesome Creator God who has a wonderful plan for all. Because, "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose. For those He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers" (Romans 8:28-29).

💝 WE can trust Him. Even--ESPECIALLY--when we don't understand. 💝

Ride the Wave

My son, Jason, had never been near the ocean, let alone in it.

But there he was, couldn't be stopped. He would walk up to the edge of the water and allow the waves to take him into the sea. I tried it. Once. But fearful of its power and the possibility of it taking me under and out to the depths of no return, I steered clear and enjoyed the Atlantic’s crashing waves from my beach chair.

Jason wanted me in on his fun and would encourage me. "Mom, you just need to let it take you. Relax into the wave and it'll carry you. See?" And off he'd go with the wave—and back again.

We were oceanside for a week. And he was catching the waves as often as he could. I think about this today, and am reminded of a quote in C.S. Lewis's work The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe from Chronicles of Narnia. Lucy asks her new friend about Aslan, "Is he safe?"

The friend responds, wisely, "No, he's not safe. But he's good."

Some would balk at the thought that our God is unsafe. But let's think about this for a moment. He's good. Very good. His thoughts towards us are for our good, never our harm (Jeremiah 29:11).

As we travel through the course of time, though, we can see individuals placing themselves in danger to answer the call of the Lord. Missionaries, intent on carrying the gospel of Christ to the ends of the earth. There's a book filled with stories detailing those who gave their lives for the sake of Christ (Foxe's Book of Martyrs).

The truth is, God is good. He always does good. But his word also tells us that if we seek to save our lives, we will lose them. But if we lose our lives for His name, we will be saved (Matthew 16:25; Mark 8:35; Luke 9:24, 17:33; John 12:25).

We are also told by Jesus to store our treasures in heaven, rather than earth where destruction, theft, and loss are likely (Matthew 6:20-21).

The words, “Just let it (the waves) take you …” is surrender. Complete and total trust in the only One who can save us. He created us and called us into existence for His own. We are destined for eternity, in His presence. But it is our choice.

It makes me pause and consider the words in CS Lewis’s books about God’s goodness over safety. He will take us on a current we may not feel equipped to swim in. But He will, as the ocean current was faithful to do with my son, carry us back to shore with the vibrancy of life and greater joy. As we learn of our security in His care, we will be able to devote ourselves more to Him.

I am still working this all out, as I dip my toe into the oceans of His love. My heart longs to be unsafe in His goodness. But my mind wars against what my heart and soul know to be right, good, and true. 

As I write this, I am in Jiyeh, Lebanon visiting my daughter’s in-laws while she has surgery (I’ll share at a later date). God has been faithful to challenge my heart, invite me to stop wading and surrender, all while assuring me that His goodness will be my stronghold.

I have so much to share. So much I want to express. And as I am able to unpack it all, I will pour out for all to hear. God is good. He has a great plan for you and me. Come with me and allow the waves of His grace to carry us on an adventure we never imagined possible.

Until next time. 

Karlene. 

 

ps. In the coming weeks, I will be writing a series on the Lord’s Prayer. I am excited to see all the Lord has for me to share.