It's Time to Dream Again

 Nothing was as I'd hoped. Or dreamed. My plans had not only gone sideways, they had jumped ship and swam to a forbidden shore far off in the distance. There was no redemption in sight.

I had choices to make, and I was making the wrong ones. And each course correction lead me down a darker, more disappointing path. It was worse than a dream sequence in one of the children's films that were on a continuous loop in my home.

To make it an even brighter day, I was a follower of Christ, believing that the way my family appeared in the public eye was a direct reflection on the quality of parent and spouse that I was. And I was a failure.

My home was always in disarray. I couldn't measure up as a mom when I saw the amazing things my acquaintances did with their children. My marriage left a lot to imagination.

I was a broken vessel and all my ugly seeped through the cracks, and (in my mind) spread poisonous vapors everywhere I went. (Imagine Pig Pen in Charlie Brown.)

It became easy to believe people would rather I keep a safe distance. So arms length often was too close. But I also longed for close connection, which I was forfeiting as I sought to protect everyone from my uncleanness while also protecting my already shattered heart. I saw others through a house of mirrors type lens. The problem was, your mirror was shaping you into perfection while mine shaped me into anything but ...

This began to seep into my relationship with Christ, and I cried out to Him for help. It was a weak, whimper soaked in tears. But to Him, it was as though I'd sounded the air raid sirens. And He spoke to my heart:

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit," (Psalm 34:18 ESV).

As time moved forward, I would lay my complaints at His feet, letting Him know how disappointed I was. At one point, I was reminded of another conversation I'd had with Him.

It was 2008 and my church had a guest speaker who was talking of how he was blessed because growing up he loved to watch Tarzan (TV show) and dreamed that one day he would be Tarzan. And at the time of his speaking, he and his wife were missionaries in the Amazon Rain Forest. He was living out his dream, he said. I'd heard similar stories from other people. And I began to complain about why am I not experiencing this? Why do YOU GOD love them more than me? What's wrong with me? And one day, I heard the gentle reply, "When will you quit complaining and begin doing something?"

What I didn't realize until that moment was that in our complaint, we block what God is doing. We in effect walk in disbelief and stomp around like rebellious little children not getting our own way. We are telling God, "I know what is good for me. Why don't you?"

I stopped and asked for a way to begin. I wanted mentors and a way to grow and hone my skill as a writer. Ready to pay any price, I searched for a course in writing. One site linked me to another where I found mentors, friends--family. And I began my journey. And my passion for the power of words grew.

As I share this, I realize that you may be thinking"What does this have to do with my situation?"

I've learned over the years that whenever the Lord is teaching me something, it is never for me alone. Scripture tells us that there is nothing I experience that is uncommon to mankind (1 Corinthians 10: 13 paraphrased).

What is it that you have shelved, thinking it's too late?

Have you ever wished you could go "back" and have a do-over?

Just as Job's losses were restored double, God will restore our losses, whether it's time, relationships, confidence ... and yes, even monetary provision such as home and finances.

Abraham and Sarah waited over 25 years to realize the dream of parenting a child--Isaac. This came in a time when it was impossible in man's perspective. They were beyond the age of childbearing. But with God ALL THINGS are possible.

So let's not tie God's hands. Let's surrender our hopes and dreams to His capable and perfect will. Tell Him you're still hoping for that dream to see the light of day.

And take Him at His word. 

Until next time ... 💜 Karlene J

I Choose You

Have you ever read the accounts in the Old Testament (Exodus) and thought of the Israelites, how unbelieving they were? Have you ever wondered why they couldn't just take God at His word and walk in faith? 

I know I have.

I remember when I was early in my walk with Christ and I'd read through the first 5 books, and think about how thick headed they were. I would get frustrated with them. And then I would skip to the New Testament where Jesus shows up on the scene and be amazed that these same Israelites couldn't recognize their deliverer.

I would like to blame this lack of understanding on my youth. And perhaps it holds true, to a degree. However, today, I realize that I am more like the Israelites than I had thought. I am thick-headed, and slow to understand who and whose I am.

Does this surprise you?

It's actually not an Israelite condition. It is a human condition.

Let's talk about it.

In Exodus, we can see that Moses and Aaron are sent by God to the Israelites in Egypt with the message that God has heard their cries and they have been commissioned to lead them out of captivity. Initially, they are excited, praising God and excited for freedom. But then, Pharoah becomes angry and states it is because the Israelites are lazy and demand they be forced to work harder with less supply. When the Israelites complain, they are told they are lazy and often beaten for not meeting quota, although they were now required to find grain for brick as well as make brick. Prior to Moses' intervention, they were being supplied the grain.

They tell Moses and Aaron to leave them alone, it's better that they remain slaves. But Moses turns a deaf ear to them and begins to approach Pharoah with God's instructions regarding 10 plagues. In the beginning, each of the plagues affected both the Egyptians and the Israelites. But by the final 3 or 4, the plagues only affected the Egyptians. 

Can you imagine being an Egyptian child seeing hail fall on your cattle and not your neighboring farm, who is a known Israelite? Oh the questions their parents must have had to answer!

Eventually, Pharoah and all of the Egyptians run the Israelites out of their land, loading them with wealth and anything else they requested -- just to be rid of them.

As the journey progressed, we can see the Israelites grumbling every time there was a difficulty, obstacle, or enemy advancement against them. They would accuse Moses, and God, of bringing them to the wilderness to kill them.

And then God would deliver them from their enemy, provide water from a rock, manna from heaven, quail (because they were tired of manna), miraculous healings, sustenance ... 

Fast forward to the New Testament, and we can see the disciples doing similar things. When Jesus slept in the boat during a storm, they woke him, "Don't you care we're going to die?" they asked Him. And after He calmed the storm, He asked them, "Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?" (Mark 4: 34 - 39).

Now let's skip ahead to present day. Us. How often do we hear promises meant for our lives and we nod in agreement, glad God has heard our prayer, but our hearts faint within because it's been years?

Proverbs 13:12 lets us know God is aware: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."

He knows our frailty. "For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust," (Psalm 103: 14).

As I begin to understand how much the Israelites of old and I are alike, I can take comfort in knowing that as God was--and continues to be--patient with them (400+ years by the time He came for them in Egypt), He will be with us. He doesn't give up on us. We can see that in the way Jesus came to our world, as an infant and lived among His creation, then suffered and died so that life could be ours (John 10:10).

Today, I think about the man at the pool of Bethesda, who had been there 38 years (imprisoned by his own ailments), and Jesus asked him, "Do you want to be made well?" (John 5). The man had just told Jesus all the reasons he couldn't get to the pool for his healing when the waters were stirred by the angel. So why would Jesus ask this question?

I believe it is because although we may make our excuses, which are valid "reasons" to us, He sees past this. The One who hears the words fall from our lips, also knows what is seated deep in our hearts: longing for freedom.

We just don't know how to get there.

Perhaps we've been trapped in our situation for so long, we've come to believe -- like the Israelites -- that there is no way out. Maybe we've come to believe that God must not care that we're going to die in this affliction, just as the disciples thought.

And our Father God sends Jesus and Holy Spirit to assure us that abundant life is meant for us too.

So how should we respond?

When the man from the crowd got Jesus' attention and told him how the disciples could not cast our a demon from his son, Jesus asked for the child to be brought to Him. After a brief discourse, the man says to Jesus, "But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us."

Jesus said to him, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."

Immediately, the father of the child cried out and said, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9: 14 - 29).

So today, this moment, let's allow ourselves the honesty of this man, and allow Jesus access to the weakness of our heart in our disappointments and bring hope and breathe new life. It's for us all.

This is in no way admitting defeat. It is in fact, surrendering to our Father's perfect plan, and trusting Him with the details.

Until next time ... 

Father, take our brokenness and create something beautiful. In Your perfect time. I choose to trust You with all of it.  💗